


To Make a Name for Oneself

by Lrot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Pearl, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6157489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lrot/pseuds/Lrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'Pearl. Pearl. Pearl.' She smiled at how comfortable the name felt, her lips easing into their forms as effortlessly as if it had always belonged to her."</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Make a Name for Oneself

  


For the first time in years, Pearl woke up feeling alive.

As she crawled out of bed, for once the multitude of blankets, sheets, and comforters provided little resistance. For once, she shut off the alarm clock without even touching the snooze button. For once, starting to dress herself was not as much of a burden.

Pulling on her favorite sweater, she began mouthing her name. _Pearl. Pearl. Pearl._ Her mouth had begun to grow accustomed to the word. She smiled at how comfortable it felt, her lips easing into their forms as effortlessly as if it had always belonged to her.

The mantra repeated in her head as she brushed her teeth, avoiding the mirror as always. Maybe someday she would not even need to do that, but on this day, she took what she could get.

Even the shower proved not an insurmountable obstacle. In stark contrast to the days when the cold water running off of her face would do little to conceal her sobs, on this day she beat every wave of that sick feeling back with her own voice, shaky but determined.

“Pearl. Pearl. Pearl.”

~~~  


By the time lunch rolled around, however, her confidence had waned. The chatter of her classmates roared around her and the fluorescent lights beat down on her unrelenting, a headache just one more weight on her mind as she absentmindedly neglected touching her food. Her listless demeanor did not escape the notice of her neighbor, however.

“Yo T, you alright?”

Pearl tried not to cringe at her friend's question. Amethyst meant well, Pearl see the genuine concern in her eyes. And of course Amethyst had no idea why her words would hurt her. Pearl wanted to tell her. She really did. In the stifling atmosphere of the cafeteria, however, all of the courage she had found that morning had inevitably vanished.

“I'm fine, Amethyst.” Pearl lied through her teeth. It didn't feel good, but it was easier than the alternative.

“. . .If you say so.” Amethyst lingered for a moment, unconvinced, before she turned back to conversing with the other people at the table.

Pearl sighed and turned back to her uneaten lunch. Perhaps today wasn't her day, after all.

~~~  


The soles of Pearl's shoes scraped the ground as she dragged her feet along the pavement leading to her car. Leave it to school to snuff out whatever spark she had managed to find for herself prior. She unlocked the vehicle and climbed in, but did not insert the key in the ignition, instead opting to stare at the ceiling in complete silence. That is, until the silence was broken by the passenger side door opening to let someone else in.

“Wha—Amethyst!” Pearl exclaimed at the intruder.

“Y'know, you really should be more careful leaving your door unlocked like that,” Amethyst said, “somebody could just hop on in.” The smile on Amethyst's face dropped at Pearl's lack of response. “For real though. What's been eating you?”

Pearl looked down to her feet. “I said I'm fine, Amethyst.” Her voice carried about as much confidence as she had in her mind.

“Uh huh?” Amethyst replied, duly unconvinced. “Look T, I know you. I've known you for _years._ And I know when you're not 'fine'.” Amethyst added air quotes. “So I'm not leaving this car until you tell me what's wrong. Well, that and Jenny just left, so I kinda don't have a ride now.”

Pearl knew Amethyst's stubbornness. She wouldn't give up on this now, and letting it go any longer would just be delaying the inevitable. She swallowed and looked her friend directly in the eyes. “Can you keep a secret?”

Amethyst shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”

“No, I mean _really_ keep a secret. You can't tell _anyone_ about this.”

Amethyst nodded.

“Okay.” Pearl took a deep breath before the words fell out of her mouth. “I'm transgender.”

Amethyst blinked in surprise. “Oh. Wow. That is kinda big.”

Pearl didn't respond, her hands shaking.

“. . .Does your mom know?”

“ _Nobody_ knows, Amethyst!” Pearl's voice cracked. “And they _can't_ know.”

“Damn. Not even Garnet?”

Pearl shook her head.

“Wow.” The trust that Pearl had placed in Amethyst did not escape her. “Thanks for telling me. Really.”

Pearl said nothing. She had thought that telling Amethyst would make her feel better—and it did, but her heart still raced fast enough to make her feel ill.

“Hey.” Amethyst got Pearl's attention again. “For the record, I still think you're amazing. You're my best friend.” She smiled. “And I wanna be here for you.”

Pearl pulled Amethyst into a tight embrace. “Thank you,” she managed to choke out.

“No problem, really.” Amethyst thought for a second. “By the way, have you chosen a name yet? 'Cause I should probably get some new nicknames for you. Assuming you are changing it, that is.”

She nodded. “It's Pearl.”

 

   


**Author's Note:**

> This might be a little self-indulgent, but I really needed to write this. Many thanks for reading!  
> Also, still undecided whether or not to continue.


End file.
